I know if I don't go now I won't make it out (week notes 010)

Doing

• My volleyball rec league started back up! I’m awful and uncoordinated on the court, but it’s fun to play with friends, and I have learned the hard way that I’m a lot less depressed when I’m active.
• I’m enjoying reading ex-cohost folks on the bearblog discovery feed. The trending feed can get a little stale.¹ I hope they stick around.
• I took a walk (and a run) with a dear friend that I’ve been trying to get together with for a while. She’s decades older than me, but we are incredibly like-minded. Kindred spirits. I appreciate her wisdom and guidance and friendship immensely as she listens to all my neuroses.
• On Sunday night, Joe and I went to a wedding for two of our best friends. Maybe I’ll make a longer post with all that stirs up for me — thoughts on marriage and commitment…
• Unfortunately, I left the wedding feeling sick. COVID test was negative so here’s hoping it’s just allergies from the changing season.

Reading

• No One Belongs Here More than You, Miranda July. I stand by what I said last week. I think I need a break from the sexual deviants I’m apparently (and unconsciously) selecting lately. I’m glad to be done with this; I appreciated July’s occasional wit and found it Handler-esque, but those touches were few and far between, and the rest of it mostly just grossed me out.
• My next books will be The Sound of a Wild Snail Eating, recommended by a friend and coworker, and, I think, Into the Wild, which I’ve always meant to read. It might not seem like much for an English teacher, but these past few months I’ve been reading for pleasure more than I have in years and it has me feeling so full. It’s great to rediscover that joy.²
• “Linkin Park, From Zero” by n3verm0re. I’m not a Linkin Park fan by any means, but I have been interested in seeing how a group reawakens after such a tremendous loss. I really enjoyed this piece about it.

Listening

• Green Dream in F# and Rare Birds, The Bug Club. I asked a student of mine what kind of music she listened to; she said her music was too weird and I’d probably never heard of it. I took that as a personal challenge. But it’s not that weird — although, as an (ex?) Xiu Xiu listener, my barometer is off. I liked both albums! They’re light, fun listening, and absolutely up my alley.
• Romance is Boring, Los Campesinos! Listening to the music students of mine like has me thinking about the music I was in love with at their age. RiB came out at the exact right time for me and holds a special place in my heart. I listen to tracks from it often, but this was the first time I’d revisited some deeper cuts, like “Who Fell Asleep In,” in years.
• All Hell, Los Campesinos! I’m still forming my larger thoughts on All Hell, but it was interesting to compare side-by-side with RiB. It is far more even and consistent in quality — RiB has some all-timers but also some real duds (“Plan A”) — but there is a visceral, adolescent melodrama to RiB that All Hell lacks. All Hell is instead grown up and wistfully forlorn, especially compared to juggernauts like “I Just Sighed.” Both are good and appropriate for me at different times and headspaces, but RiB holds more of hook — although I have fifteen years of relationship and baggage with it compared to All Hell.
• I’m thinking about a recurring theme in songs I am or have been fixated on —
  • “Drops (reprise),” The Peripheral Ones - “I know if I don’t go now I won’t make it out”
    • “The Whale Song,” Modest Mouse - “I guess I am a scout / so I should find a way out / so everyone can find a way out”
  • “Ave Maria,” Mac Miller - “Have you found a way out?” & “Come Back to Earth” - “I just need a way out of my head / I’ll do anything for a way out of my head”
• — the idea of making it out is, of course, not a unique theme, but perhaps it’s why The House on Mango Street resonated with me: “For the ones I left behind. For the ones who cannot out.”