Week-Notes

• 666 with a princess streak (week notes 009)

  Doing

  • Working on getting off big corporate social media, still. I’m almost entirely off Twitter; I keep the app just because I have a few notifications set for when specific people tweet (mostly bands who tweet out tour dates), but I’m otherwise mostly on Mastodon (social.lol) and Discord. Cohost going down was sad to see even if I was never an active user and there were problems with it, but its downfall impressed on me even further the importance of owning your content — and it made me really happy to have this space for my thoughts and writing.
  • I got my COVID booster and flu shot on Friday, which put me out of order for some time. Glad to have them done, however; one day of discomfort is worth it!
  • The weight of being a teacher really set on me this week — not the teaching work, which I love, but the emotional weight of my students’ lives. It’s especially hard to see kids that remind me of myself at their age and wish I could impart all that I’ve learned — but knowing that there are no shortcuts and that the only way out for them is through. I can’t pluck them out; they have to live it. I can only hope to be there for them as they do.

  Reading

  • No One Belongs Here More than You, Miranda July. This has been in my Amazon wishlist for I don’t know how long — long enough that I’ve forgotten where I’d found it or why I’d wanted to read it. I liked the cover a lot, I guess. Anyway, I feel this is suffering from my reading it so soon after Death Is Not an Option as I have much of the same opinion: excellent prose but turned off by all the weird sex.¹ I find July’s narrators and conceits to be far more varied than Rivecca’s, but Rivecca never made me read about an old man who fantasizes about teenage girls, so I automatically like her better.
  • Meet Lochlan O’Neil, the creator of DashCon on Garbage Day. “I had to go to extensive therapy because I was like, “oh my god, I, Lochlan O’Neil, single-handedly destroyed fandom culture?”

  Watching

  • Pokémon 4Ever. Joe and I got our shit rocked by the COVID and flu shots and decided to watch this. Middling, but a surprising environmentalist message. I’m realizing how much of who Joe is goes back to Pokémon, of all things.
  • Gilmore Girls, season five. Joe and I went back in for a few episodes in our shot stupor. Still enjoyable, but we are quickly gaining on the last of the good episodes in my opinion.

  Listening

  • i,i, Bon Iver. Not bad, but I like For Emma and 22, A Million far more.
  • Chants, The Peripheral Ones. I’ve said before that this album is perhaps the most esoteric of my bullshit; it’s a cover album of a little-known² Myspace-era band, The Middle Ones, done by pigthe (the guitarist for Trust Fund). The album is obscure enough that it’s not on MusicBrainz (I’m aware that I could add it) and the band has 23 listeners on last.fm. I love it and go back to it often.

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  1. reading these books back to back has left me wondering if I’m somehow unconsciously selecting books only written by deviants or if I’m just so vanilla that my gauge for sexual content is skewed ↩︎

  15 Sep 2024
• the birds remember how to come home (week notes 008)

  Doing

  • School is officially back in session, so my free time is much more limited now. I’m optimistic for the year, though!

  Reading

  • Death Is Not an Option by Suzanne Rivecca. Finished at last. I have not much new to say compared to last week. I felt a notable sense of relief to be done with it and free to move on.
  • Write as you wish: a call to bring back the prose by Marisabel. I’m not a good enough writer for this to be applicable, so call this aspirational reading.
  • back at it & social media free by kristin. I’ve pretty much dropped Twitter in the last few weeks — I really want to separate myself from toxic online spaces.
  • Please please please please please please share your big dumb beautiful self with the world by Keenan. “What does it look like to put yourself on a page, or in a photo, or a brushstroke, or a string plucked and reverberating harmoniously out into the room? When does the screaming inside become loud enough, so all-encompassing that you open up the door to let it pour out of you?”

  Watching

  • America’s Next Top Model, cycle three. Top Model is my comfort show right now. I love the first seven cycles best, but cycle three has a special place in my heart. It’s one of the first cycles I ever saw and has one of the most entertaining casts. The modelling itself is pretty poor, but that’s not really what Top Model was about.
  • Run Button’s Star Wars Outlaws streams. I’m really interested in Outlaws based on what I’ve seen; Keith has been complaining about the stealth a lot in the streams, but I think a good amount of that has been player error.

  Playing

  • Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords. I’ve tried to get Joe to play KotOR for years, but he was turned off by the combat. We listened to A More Civilized Age’s coverage together, though (he’s a big Friends at the Table fan), and it got him interested in KotOR II (despite my insisting for years that it is the finest piece of Star Wars media). We’re playing through together — me with the controller but collectively making decisions. We’re still on Peragus (gross), but I’m enjoying revisiting it. This will be my first time playing it in at least ten years and my first time with the restored content mod.

  Listening

  • Life’s a Riot With Spy vs Spy, Billy Bragg. I like “A New England” a whole lot; the rest was good but didn’t grab me. There’s a sparseness and intimacy that struck me when I first heard “A New England,” but the novelty had worn off for the other tracks.
  • For Emma, Forever Ago, Bon Iver. I listened to this all the way through one night and it unfortunately really spoke to me. I know I’ve listened through it before, years ago, and I didn’t care for anything except “Skinny Love”; this time around, every track hit.
  • “Bishop, CA” and “Wig Master,” Xiu Xiu. I swore off Xiu Xiu back in 2013 or so after listening to them heavily during a deep depression; I’m not cold turkey on them anymore, but they’re not in my regular rotation either. I’ve been thinking of these two, some of my favorites then.¹

  ---

  1. in so far as any Xiu Xiu song is a “favorite” and not “a desperate cry for help” ↩︎

  8 Sep 2024
• I guess I feel a bit lost without you (week notes 007)

  Doing

  • I re-did my website! I’ve detailed it all in a separate post, but I’m really excited about making weird stuff online here. I will miss being on the bearblog discovery feed, but this is also a push for me to get involved more on webrings & other small web communities.¹
  • I’m starting to get my classroom ready for the school year. I’m really excited about some of the changes I’m making — the physical layout of the room, curricular changes, routines, and philosophies. We go back to school on Tuesday, so this is really the end stretch of summer.
  • I was pretty social this week! I had a friend and coworker over to help us identify some of the plants we have on our property; had a different friend over to play some games; went to see a Fleetwood Mac cover band with some of my partner’s coworkers; and had my sister and her boyfriend over to go hiking and out to lunch.

  Reading

  • An unrelenting sense of longing (or: “Maps”) by Keenan. “Maps” rocks and I love reading fellow music sickos.
  • Death Is Not an Option by Suzanne Rivecca. Plugging along, slowly. Rivecca’s prose is excellent but none of the stories have really gripped me; all the protagonists are of a singular type that I don’t really connect to.

  Watching

  • Into the Aether’s Pokemon Emerald Nuzlocke We finished it this week — a tragic end to a great series. RIP TONYSOPRAN.

  Playing

  • Pokémon White Version. Played here and there; I think I’m losing my enthusiasm for it.
  • We had a friend over and played a little Rock Band and Mario Party Superstars.
  • Final Fantasy XIV. Just a bit on Sunday night; focusing on leveling my Marauder (almost to 50!) and my Squadrons. I’ve also started doing my Sylph Beast Tribe quests again because I want the Goobbue Mount.

  Listening

  • Oblivion Will Own Me and Death Alone Will Love Me (Void Filler), Every Moment of Every Day, and Fates Worse Than Death, Short Fictions. I saw Short Fictions at Warsaw when they opened for Los Campesinos! I really enjoyed them live and sat down to listen to a few of their albums (they were kind enough to post their setlist!). Their music lacks some novelty compared to the live performance, but I still like a few songs — notably, “Anymore,” “Nothingness Lies Coiled at the Heart of Being (It’s Such a Good Feeling),” and “Forever Endeavor.”
  • “Feather Test” by A Weather. This may be my song this year.² I fell in love with it a few months ago and returned to it this week. I love, I love, I love (I will, I will). A beautiful, breathy mix of fleeting, intersecting harmonies with a rich and simplistic production. Every line strikes. (“Brush your hand / Across where you felt me / Do I pass the feather test?”)

  ---

  1. Also, importantly, I blog to write, not to be read. I guess. ↩︎

  1 Sep 2024
• I want to sleep and dream alone (week notes 006)

  Doing

  • I was at school one day this week for an orientation for some student leaders.
  • I went to Six Flags and realized I’m old; my tolerance for roller coasters is, suddenly, shockingly low.
  • Feeling extreme relief but also guilt for being such an introvert — lately I feel I’m an anti-social loner, but friends have reassured me that these feelings are normal and everyone enjoys and protects their alone time (to an extent, depending on the person). All I really want to do is be alone in my house, left to do my silly little projects.
  • I’m trying still to move away from big, corporate social media — I have been spending more time on Mastodon and the bearblog discover feed. I’ve scarcely opened Twitter, and I’ve set 30m app timers for Facebook and Instagram. I rarely hit it for either, but something about knowing the timer is there makes me more conscious of the time I’m wasting on them. I’m not happy yet with my screen time as a whole, but at least I feel I’m seeing more of real people (and people I choose to follow) than algorithms and dark patterns.
  • On Friday, I went to IKEA with a friend and my sister to get some things for the house and a few items for my classroom.
  • I intended to go into school on Saturday and begin some of the physical setup I need to do, but I felt sick and exhausted. I took a COVID test (negative) — I’m hoping it’s just holdover from a long day of driving on Friday.

  Reading

  • Studying to be a teacher in the modern day by Sparrow. I feel the same about teaching as Sparrow: it’s a hard career to choose in today’s education system and economic climate, but teaching is so intrinsically part of me that I can’t see myself doing anything else. Even with the stress, the low pay, the poor working conditions, I love it.
  • What a demure, mindful, and brat summer by Kayla. Great introspective piece on trends and shifting mindsets. As I get older, I’m less connected to fads (especially because I’m not on TikTok and have curated my social media feeds), but I do try hard to understand them — I never want to be someone who brushes things off as “kids these days” absurdity and who blames the younger generation for every societal woe. Brat summer and demure sound silly, but there’s importance in trying to understand what matters to young people¹ — and we can only reach state of cooperation and harmony through mutual understanding and respect.
  • Help! I Invited My Coworkers Into a Very Personal Part of My Life. Now I Really Regret It. by Hillary Frey. I read Dear, Prudence often to satisfy my busybody tendencies and, occasionally, to talk through social quandaries with my partner. The first letter here hit particularly hard; I am a teacher and regularly have coworkers ask super invasive questions about my family planning. I’m friends with someone who went through IVF and she’s opened my eyes to how these “innocent questions” (they’re not) can hurt folks dealing with infertility. I’m not, but even I find questions about whether I’m trying for a baby super invasive!
  • finding kindness online by ava. A great piece about connection in gaming. I have baggage with video game-centric spaces online, but this gives me some hope.

  Watching

  • America’s Next Too Model, cycle 1. Mostly passive viewing while folding laundry, but cycle 1 has a special quality. It feels less like a reality show and more like a documentary about what it’s like to be on a reality show. The budget is clearly low and the show hadn’t established its structure just yet, so the contestants learn how the show works along with us. It feels grounded and authentic — for a season of Top Model, that is.
  • Into the Aether’s Pokemon Emerald Nuzlocke Joe and I are continuing this and still really loving it!

  Playing

  • Final Fantasy XIV. I’m slowly working through the post-Stormblood patch content. Joe is still playing through A Realm Reborn, so I’m levelling Warrior to do dungeons alongside him as a new class. I’m enduring the slow, painful grind of levelling my Squadrons, too. I like the concept of Squadrons — they remind me of my beloved Final Fantasy Tactics Advance,² but unfortunately there is very little variety and a lot of waiting involved here.
  • Pokémon White Version. I was inspired to jump into a Pokémon game by the Nuzlocke Joe and I are watching. I’ve never really played White; maybe a year ago I did the first three gyms, but I remember none of it. I started it over on Saturday night.

  Listening

  Nothing really specific — just some shuffles. I have, however, started tracking my listening data to listenbrainz!

  26 Aug 2024
• the secrecy won't keep you free (week notes 005)

  Doing

  • This week I learned that I’m allergic to yellowjacket stings in the worst way possible (not that there’s a good way). I was attacked by a nest of them while mowing the lawn and had to go to the ER.
  • Contemplating my intense introversion.
  • I was able to finally get together with a dear friend for a walk through the park — we have been trying to see each other for a while now but schedules and weather kept getting in the way. Talking to her, a kindred spirit, nourishes me.

  Reading

  • The Basic Eight by Daniel Handler. Finished in the first hours of this week. I wrote up a full post with my thoughts.
  • Death Is Not an Option by Suzanne Rivecca. I’m about halfway through this. It’s middling; there’s a lot of weird sex that I simply do not connect to, and all of the narrators / protagonists feel the same even though this is a collection of unrelated short stories.
  • There’s an apostrophe battle brewing among grammar nerds. Is it Harris’ or Harris’s? by Holly Tamer. This is the kind of presidential race news coverage I want to see in this world.

  Watching

  • Into the Aether’s Pokemon Emerald Nuzlocke. I really like Into the Aether and the TWG network, and Joe is a big fan of watching Pokemon challenges on YouTube. We are not far in, but we are enjoying it so far.

  Playing

  • Rock Band 4. I have a friend visiting this week — it’s a great party game.
  • Carcassone. A board game staple in my house.

  Listening

  • Nothing particular beyond some shuffles, but my mom came over with her old Fleetwood Mac records and we realized that my record player has been spinning slightly too fast (~33.7rpm instead of 33.3). I noticed it months ago with Mac Miller’s GO:ODAM, but I thought it might just be the press. We fixed it and now I feel I have to re-listen to all my records.
  18 Aug 2024
• I love when you invoke my death (week notes 004)

  Doing

  • Joe and I went to the lake with two friends. We did some kayaking¹ and went swimming, then returned to our house to have a belated birthday celebration for Joe.
  • I played around with Hugo and thought about moving this blog (back) there. I love the bearblog community and don’t want to leave it, but I also want to build a personal site out more. I’m conflicted, but for now, I’m sticking on bearblog.² I also bought a domain without a plan to use it — I love cassieland, but this one speaks to me, and it has an air of anonymity, which is appealing should I pursue my goal to blog more; anonymity feels safer.
  • Joe and I went to visit family, so we’re spending a weekend lake- and pool-side, and I’m reminded for the ten thousandth time of how wonderful he is with children. The biological clock ticks.

  Reading

  • How Did This New Harry Potter Ride Get Approved? by Brendon Bigley. I used to be a tremendous Harry Potter fan but consciously decoupled from the series given J.K. Rowling’s modern social campaign of hate. I’ve gone to and enjoyed Universal’s Wizarding World, but I agree with Brendon’s stance: it is bizarre when Universal leans into the thinly veiled Nazism parallels for their theme park and ask attendees to rejoice in war crime trials.
  • The Basic Eight by Daniel Handler. Handler’s Adverbs is often what I cite when folks ask what my favorite book is, and I loved Watch Your Mouth, too. I need light reprieves from The Odyssey, too, so this seemed an excellent time to round out my reading of Handler’s bibliography. I’m about halfway through and enraptured by the narrative voice. It’s pretentious, as a story narrated by a precocious high school senior should be, without being cloying, and with Handler’s charming humor throughout. I love it so far and have faith that the feeling will continue. I normally hate books set in high school, but this one takes me back to my high school self — somehow, in a good way, which I don’t think I’ve ever felt before.

  Watching

  • Gilmore Girls, season five. Continuing on; we are reaching the point where Joe stopped watching years ago — I had him watch the show with me when we first started dating — so I’m excited to get into fresh content. Unfortunately, the show goes downhill, in my opinion, by season six, so we are in the last of the good.
  • America’s Next Top Model, cycle six. If I believed in guilty pleasures, ANTM would be mine. Fortunately I don’t, so I can indulge all I’d like in junk food TV. I think the first seven seasons are all gold, but I was in the mood for Jade’s antics in six — truly one of the most unhinged individuals to ever appear on the show.
  • Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse. An incredible follow-up to a film I loved very much; I agree that the cliffhanger ending undercuts some of the story’s structure, but if you frame it as Gwen’s story — which I think it was in many ways — it’s a lot more satisfying, like a sophomore sojourn into another major character. On a technical and artistic level, it’s a remarkable achievement; the painterly visuals and use of color in Gwen’s universe were particular standouts.

  Listening

  • All Hell, Los Campesinos! My record finally came in. It’s going to take time for me to form an opinion and weight it against their discography — I’ve got to let it sink — but as of right now, I really like it. “Clown Blood” is an early favorite.

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  1. Our friends brought their kayaks and Joe rented one. We would like to invest in our own, but most of our money this summer has gone to home repairs. Maybe next summer. ↩︎

  11 Aug 2024
• clean as paper before the poem (week notes 003)

  Doing

  • I was in school for a few days this week: one for a school improvement team meeting, where we made plans for the upcoming school year that have me really excited; another DEI committee meeting; and an English curriculum planning day. I also started moving some of the furniture in my classroom into place — I’m rearranging for next year.
  • I received a postcard in the mail from Veronique! I love this idea to take the small web to snail mail (and am generally a big fan of her blog).

  Reading

  • what it’s like by kelsey. Less reading and more admiring: is this what the notebooks and brains of the creative and artistic are like? Others admire mine for its neatness and consistency, small, even printing repeated across page and page, the same thoughts over and over again, like photocopies. I love the color, the doodles, the spontaneity kelsey has, and this is what I love about bearblog: the glimpses into the minds of others.
  • Cultural Competence Now by Vernita Mayfield. Continued from a previous week; this week, I read the third chapter for my district’s DEI Committee.
  • The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros. I’m integrating this book into my curriculum for the next school year. It’s a beautiful, poetic, important text, and I’m so excited to read it with my kids. It’s heavy, and the unit I’ve planned around it is challenging, but I want to be more rigorous in my curriculum, and I think the kids will really connect with Esperanza.
  • “I wanted to be like my dad.” by Kyle (on Blueberry Lemonade). A thoughtful piece on how adulthood shifts our relationships with our parents. It’s interesting — I seem to have the inverse experience: moving out of my mom’s house, I think, brought us closer in many ways. But I still connect with Kyle’s thesis about how our views of parents evolve; perhaps the nature of parenthood is seeing your child grow beyond you.

  Watching

  • A lot of Friends at the Table content on Twitch. Joe is a fan of their podcasts and the folks involved; I’m not into actual play podcasts or anime, so I don’t join in, but I like watching some of their streams. I’ve particularly enjoyed their Stardew Valley series.

  Playing

  • Final Fantasy XIV: Stormblood. I’m back on my bullshit after watching Austin Walker stream Final Fantasy XI. I’ve played on and off since release, but this week I finished Stormblood (which I’m tepid on) and am working my way toward Shadowbringers (which I’ve heard nothing but praise for). I conned Joe into playing with me too, so it’s been fun to see him go back through the early game quests. I have a lot of love in my heart for A Realm Reborn.

  Listening

  • My Los Campesinos! All Hell record has yet to arrive in the mail, so not that (but it did ship this week and is meant to be delivered tomorrow).
  4 Aug 2024
• ask yourself is that going to bring you peace, though? (week notes 002)

  I’m continuing to try out doing Week Notes instead of monthly wrap ups. So far, so good! As a callback to my livejournal days, I’m trying out using a random quote from something I’m enjoying this week as my title (most likely, and true to my livejournal heart, cryptic song lyrics).

  28 Jul 2024
• Week Notes 001

  I tried out doing monthly media logs and found it difficult to stick to; it became daunting to log everything, and I put the unnecessary onus on myself to also write down detailed thoughts on everything. I’m going to try out shorter weekly notes instead. I want to have a record of and reflect on things that are important to me, so the effort matters, but perhaps this will be easier to maintain.¹ I’m hoping to use this space to share out blog posts and other web content that I’ve enjoyed, too.

  21 Jul 2024